I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
