I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
