it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
