Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
