Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
