My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
