yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
