I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
