the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
