My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
