I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
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