I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
