He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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