You really coming over, don't trick.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
