Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
