I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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