So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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