coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
