i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
