burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
