What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Someone shit on the floor
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
