Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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