Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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