Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
