Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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