You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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