In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
