i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
