She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
