There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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