CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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