My underwear smells like fireworks.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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