So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
