guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
