At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We are two peas in an std pod
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
