I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
