i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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