i was rollin on her like bob the builder
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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