that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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