We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
