Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
