He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
