he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
