i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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