Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
