Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
