Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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