I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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