Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
