If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
