the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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