Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
