we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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