Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
