Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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