PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this just has baby written all over it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
